[661_Pete]

OK OK a bit of a rhetorical question this.

I try - I really try - to keep cool and carry on: if I see my partner commit a bit of a howler, I wait for the apology and then type something like "NPP". Indeed, I would expect the same from my partner when I drop a clanger and 'fess up after the hand. That's what good, friendly bridge is all about, isn't it?

But there are times when it's hard to keep one's composure. Yesterday I lost it, I'm afraid.

Tell me I'm in the wrong game if you must.

Sorry for the rant.

[nige1]

661_Pete, on 2016-October-09, 00:37, said:

OK OK a bit of a rhetorical question this.I try - I really try - to keep cool and carry on: if I see my partner commit a bit of a howler, I wait for the apology and then type something like "NPP". Indeed, I would expect the same from my partner when I drop a clanger and 'fess up after the hand. That's what good, friendly bridge is all about, isn't it?But there are times when it's hard to keep one's composure. Yesterday I lost it, I'm afraid.Tell me I'm in the wrong game if you must.Sorry for the rant.

As 661_Pete implies, he knows the answer to his question. FWIW, IMO, To get the best from partner, you should keep quiet about partner's mistakes, at the table. After the session, you should point out systemic bidding errors to avoid repetition. Defensive misunderstandings also need early resolution. You should probably ignore judgement errors, until you can enlist an expert friend as a third-party-arbiter (often I find out that it's I who am at fault). In my experience, criticisms of declarer-play are most hurtful and least likely to achieve any immediate improvement.

[Phil]

Keep a pillow nearby and you can punch it if you really need to .

Is your partner trying to win as hard as you are? Then they should feel as worse than you and piling on won't help. If anything you need to be supportive.

If they aren't trying very hard then you need to change your expectations.

Either way, blowing a fuse is wrong.

[ggwhiz]

Phil, on 2016-October-09, 09:20, said:

Is your partner trying to win as hard as you are?

Are you trying to win as hard as your partner is?

If you are, suck it up until the session is over or any future losses go on your tab.

[661_Pete]

Yeah - I know what answers I deserved - and I got them! Too right, the player who gets angry at a partner is the player who's deserted the 'good spirit' of bridge-playing. I don't feel pride at storming off a table, especially since I've railed against others who did just that!

Lessons learnt maybe.

Ironically, it was the opposite situation yesterday. I got a bit peeved at a partner. Not because they played badly, but because they were a bit unfair to opponents. One opponent mis-clicked, very obviously, and my partner (declarer) refused the UNDO request. Result: game made when we should have been two down. Not proud of that result, to be honest. I pleaded with partner to re-consider, and after the hand, apologised to the opponents. And I'm not a great fan of the UNDO feature, on the whole! I know it's usually greyed-out in tournaments.

I may not have enthused that particular partner much, but at least I've got on friendly terms with two opponents!

[rcarle]

this is a GAME. Absolutely no reason to get your shorts tied up. If you were truly a world-class player you would not be playing on bbo, and certainly not writing in this forum.

[helene_t]

If you are a good player, your partners don't make mistakes.

This may seem like a bold assertion, but:
- Good players don't analyse the last hand played (unless it is a teaching session). They stay focused on the rest of the current hand and save mental energy for the next hands. They might look hands up after the session, though.
- When they can't avoid noticing a bad result, good players do not assume that it was due to a mistake. It might well be bad luck. And they don't waste mental energy trying to figure out which it was, until after the sesion.
- When noticing that something went wrong, and analysing the board after the sesion, good players look for their own mistakes or, if in a regular partnership, for lack of clear agreements. Partner's mistakes are irrelevant since you can't learn from them, so why bother analysing them?
- Good players don't make their partners uncomfortable by forcing complicated methods on them or by post-mortemning. This reduces the risk that the good player's partner makes mistakes.
- Even if the good player does notice his partner's mistakes, he keeps it to himself. He knows that teaching during the session only makes partner plays worse, and teaching after the session only works in the extremely unlike event that partner wants to learn, is able to learn and actually respects your authority as a teacher - the latter is almost certainly not the case, even if you do in fact have the didactic and bridge-technical qualifications.

[fourdad]

did humiliating another human for a human error make you feel better?

[PhilG007]

661_Pete, on 2016-October-09, 00:37, said:

OK OK a bit of a rhetorical question this.

I try - I really try - to keep cool and carry on: if I see my partner commit a bit of a howler, I wait for the apology and then type something like "NPP". Indeed, I would expect the same from my partner when I drop a clanger and 'fess up after the hand. That's what good, friendly bridge is all about, isn't it?

But there are times when it's hard to keep one's composure. Yesterday I lost it, I'm afraid.

Tell me I'm in the wrong game if you must.

Sorry for the rant.

They who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. Any fool can criticise,condemn and complain.....
and most fools do (!)

[PhilG007]

661_Pete, on 2016-October-10, 01:45, said:

Yeah - I know what answers I deserved - and I got them! Too right, the player who gets angry at a partner is the player who's deserted the 'good spirit' of bridge-playing. I don't feel pride at storming off a table, especially since I've railed against others who did just that!

Lessons learnt maybe.

Ironically, it was the opposite situation yesterday. I got a bit peeved at a partner. Not because they played badly, but because they were a bit unfair to opponents. One opponent mis-clicked, very obviously, and my partner (declarer) refused the UNDO request. Result: game made when we should have been two down. Not proud of that result, to be honest. I pleaded with partner to re-consider, and after the hand, apologised to the opponents. And I'm not a great fan of the UNDO feature, on the whole! I know it's usually greyed-out in tournaments.

I may not have enthused that particular partner much, but at least I've got on friendly terms with two opponents!

661_Pete I wrote an article here on the subject of "Sundry thoughts on etiquette and other matters" I suggest that you read it.
And remember you could have a better player sitting opposite you;then nothing will dent your morale more than a touch of the
Ghengis Khans across the table. Human nature will always be human nature...learn from it.

[Phil]

rcarle, on 2016-October-10, 03:36, said:

If you were truly a world-class player you would not be playing on bbo, and certainly not writing in this forum.

You might be surprised.

[barmar]

Marty Bergen's column in this month's ACBL Bulletin is "21 Rules for Being a Good Partner".

But we're all human, we occasionally slip up. It's a standard to aspire to, hard to live up to all the time.

[diana_eva]

I think we're being hypocritical to preach for so much understanding. I get mad all the time. I keep my mouth shut, but yes I feel like exploding sometimes, no matter what reason says. I found it's important to keep quiet obviously, but the tendency to yell is VERY strong. So no, you can't blow up, but i feel for you On the long term it's a lot better to just shut up and be nice no matter what but it's not as easy as it may sound.

[LisaB1774]

diana_eva, on 2016-October-10, 13:54, said:

I think we're being hypocritical to preach for so much understanding. I get mad all the time. I keep my mouth shut, but yes I feel like exploding sometimes, no matter what reason says. I found it's important to keep quiet obviously, but the tendency to yell is VERY strong. So no, you can't blow up, but i feel for you On the long term it's a lot better to just shut up and be nice no matter what but it's not as easy as it may sound.

Hi - I agree.... I am still learning this amazing game.. been about 4yrs now - I am continually trying to learn new conventions - and as such I still make mistakes.. It makes me shake my head when people think they can send me a private message to call me some dern awful names.. just for misbidding or misplaying a card! Lol… I just don’t quite get that? When I make a bold mistake, I will later apologize – and try to learn from it…. I thought bridge was a game? We are not all advanced players, or expert players.. I have some expert players make very silly bids… I just go oh well…. Even if that means we get 0%. Sure I shake my head, and sometimes cuss. but it is at my computer! Not another human!

love this site btw!
happy Canadian Thanksgiving!

[Phil]

Needless to say the flipside of all of this is developing a very thick skin, because as you proceed in levels, you will come across a LOT of potential nasty partners and teammates. I've had (the displeasure) of quite a few during my career, but I looked at it by paying my dues and I am very happy to say that more current group of partners and peers is very pleasant and don't harp about bad results.

As I write this I remember about a 20 minute tongue-lashing/post-mortem I received about five years ago after a big match....that we won. It was in front of our teammates who started laughing at how much of a farce the situation was. I had a beer with one of them later and said, "I can't imagine what he would have been like if we had LOST".

One more thing, as you gain emotional control, you can sometimes 'blow a (small) fuse' to your advantage. Sometimes it can get an unfocused partner or teammates back on track; sometimes it can change the momentum of the other team, etc..

[manudude03]

Phil, on 2016-October-10, 16:32, said:

Needless to say the flipside of all of this is developing a very thick skin, because as you proceed in levels, you will come across a LOT of potential nasty partners and teammates. I've had (the displeasure) of quite a few during my career, but I looked at it by paying my dues and I am very happy to say that more current group of partners and peers is very pleasant and don't harp about bad results.

As I write this I remember about a 20 minute tongue-lashing/post-mortem I received about five years ago after a big match....that we won. It was in front of our teammates who started laughing at how much of a farce the situation was. I had a beer with one of them later and said, "I can't imagine what he would have been like if we had LOST".

One more thing, as you gain emotional control, you can sometimes 'blow a (small) fuse' to your advantage. Sometimes it can get an unfocused partner or teammates back on track; sometimes it can change the momentum of the other team, etc..

Only 20 minutes? I remember a time a couple of years ago, our teammates were arguing over a board for about 15 mins initially. The argument was the main focus of "conversation" on the 2 hour drive home the next day too. We blitzed them in that match, and gained 19 IMPs on the board they were arguing over.

On a more serious note to the OP, I like to think that lashing out at partner will only get them to make more mistakes. I prefer to tell them not to worry about their mistakes and hope that they don't beat themselves up too much over it. I do try and sort out bidding misunderstandings there and then just in case it comes up in the next board, but otherwise wait until the end of the session.

[22tango2]

Zero Tolerance means Zero Rudeness, period.
You are not ever permitted to detract from the enjoyment of the game of your partner or your opps. If you can't play the game within the rules of the game. Find a new hobby.

[helene_t]

diana_eva, on 2016-October-10, 13:54, said:

I think we're being hypocritical to preach for so much understanding. I get mad all the time. I keep my mouth shut, but yes I feel like exploding sometimes, no matter what reason says. I found it's important to keep quiet obviously, but the tendency to yell is VERY strong. So no, you can't blow up, but i feel for you On the long term it's a lot better to just shut up and be nice no matter what but it's not as easy as it may sound.

Oh yes I am a hypocrite too. I get annoyed all the time and frequently I am not able to keep my mouth shut. Doesn't change the fact that it would always be better to keep my mouth shut - except maybe when I am more amused than annoyed and both p and opps find it funny also. But in those situations it is not difficult to shut up.

[geoffff]

I try to blow my fuse internally. My wife turns round when I shout ‘Stupid idiot’ at my laptop, but I normally hold back on going into chat mode during or after the tournament.
I have also been on the receiving end, having, from time to time a) Made a complete horlicks of my bid or play, b) Had a sensitive mouse misclick in tournaments with no undo or c) Just made an honest but not cataclysmic mistake – I can’t be the only one who sometimes can’t remember whether the jack has gone or not, can I?
It is rare to be roundly abused and mostly unfair, but ALWAYS contrary to the spirit of the game

[Phil]

manudude03, on 2016-October-10, 17:37, said:

Only 20 minutes? I remember a time a couple of years ago, our teammates were arguing over a board for about 15 mins initially. The argument was the main focus of "conversation" on the 2 hour drive home the next day too. We blitzed them in that match, and gained 19 IMPs on the board they were arguing over.

Yes, but your situation was a dialogue.

Mine was a monologue